Thursday, December 18, 2008
The Perfect Life = The Perfect LieI know that you never blamed me for what I did as I was only 14. The truth only came to light 2years later. The tears that rolled down your cheeks & that forceful smile you gave can never be forgotten. The way I felt when I saw your reaction.. I never meant to hurt you that bad. When I was rebellious and got cuffed up, you 'ditched' me so that I would grow strong. In the past, I hated you for wanting to place me into girl's home. But, you wanted to do that because I was getting out of hand. All the stuff I did left you feeling helpless and all the stuff you did were signs of me getting out of control. There's so much I want to say but I can't. It's not the part about me doing all the stupid stuff that's holding me back. It's the hurt that I've caused you. Especially, that matter. People who knows me, knows that I'm never good with words. I know how much it hurts when you look at me. Scars, tattoos, etc etc.. I'm not growing up according to planned. Am I? To you, everything I do is a waste of time because you are against most of it. Sometimes, just sometimes.. It feels that I'm apart from the family. The stuff that you've said about me in the past is at the back of my head. I'll remember them though none of it is true. Be it positive or negetive ( Most of them are not so nice. LOL! ) I'll remember every single word you said. Nothing's going to change it I guess. Afterall, the past is there for a reason. At least, now I know that I'm someone who loves my family.
Somehow, I don't believe that this would make me real. I thought that it would be easy but no one believed me even though I meant all the things I said. My thoughts can get so tempting in this vacant place. Sometimes, it gets so crazy that nothing can save me. I don't know how it got so bad. But then, it's the only one thing that I have. It's tough to believe me and it'll never get easy. I guess that you knew it all along.
[Don't Know, Don't Care]
Growing old is mandatory;Growing up is optional
12:37 AM
